Marsha! Can you believe how shitty this day grew? I am not writing this in OUR NOTEBOOK because I left OUR NOTEBOOK on the bus yesterday. So I must write to you on LOOSELEAF!
Are you freaking out? I am totally FREAKING.
This is what happened on the bus!
Alan was beating Lee and she was like “Ally! Ally! Stop! Stop!”like she totally loved it. Then Joey went apeshit and pushed Carrie down the aisle and she flew on top of me and went “save me save me Annie” like she totally loved it. So then Apeshit Joey started beating on both of us and my head was between two seats and I was practically dead. Then it was my stop and I grabbed my backpack and my crap went flying everywhere. I had like two secs to grab my Trapper and Language Arts and PreAlgebra and my gym socks but when I got home...
NO NOTEBOOK.
U-G-L-Y I AINT GOT NO ALIBI it was SO UGLY. OMIGOD SO UGLY. 1-2-3-4 I can’t stand it anymore SO UGLY OMIGOD SO UGLY. 5-6-7-8 I could barely contemplate SO UGLY. OMIGOD SO UGLY.
Hahahahahaha! Don’t you love that one?
But for real I am so sorry. Do you hate me now Marsha? I understand if you hate me and/or don't want to be my BFF anymore. But I do if you do. K?
Thank GOD no one knows our code that p stands for pads and k stands for tampons and “haircut” means period. THANK GOD! Everyone will totally think P stands for Patch and K stands for Kayla on The Days of Our Lives and they will have absolutely no idea what to think about Haircut. HA! Maybe they will think “Haircut” stands for Roman because he needs a haircut! Oooh DISS! p.s. I can't wait to watch DAYS at your house afterschool. Can I still come over? Can we call "TV" so your brothers shut up already? You are so lucky you get a VCR.
Circle YES or NO or MAYBE (you MUST circle one)
I am mad at you YES or NO or MAYBE
I hate you now YES or NO or MAYBE
You can still come watch DAYS afterschool YES or NO or MAYBE
OMIGOD what if the perv bus driver is totally reading our notebook right at this moment?? But what about the parts where we say that Jo is SUCH A BITCH. And how can she be so popular with that whack-ass hair and pastel sweater? HOW DOES SHE CONTROL THE MINDS OF THE ENTIRE SIXTH GRADE! Well, she does not control our minds. I don’t think. Do you think she controls our minds?
Are you going to try out for a solo in chorus? I love that GO YE GO YE INTO THE WORLD one and the beautiful Some children see him one about Jesus. Theresa is totally going to get that solo because she sounds like Gloria Estefan and she even shakes her head when she sings. Cheater.
I just remembered something and I am going to die. What if someone reads how I am in love with Alex? He sat on my lap today and it was so cute because his legs didn't even touch the ground. He is HOT and he totally picked me for HEADS UP7up. But everyone knows he loves Kim. Everyone loves Kim. She is completely sweet! She has the most perfect nostrils I have ever seen in my whole life. Shit!
Also what are you wearing to the dance? I got a sweater skirt! It is hot pink! And I found a pin that I can pin on the top of my collar to like a broach. But is dressy gay? Maybe no one wears skirts. I think my style is totally Molly Ringwald or Lisa Bonet. I'm just like that. Aren't I?
CIRCLE ONE (you MUST circle one)
Ann is just like Molly RINGWALD or LISA BONET?
YES NO MAYBE
(circle yes! Please!!)
I will see you at 3:05.
DO NOT SHOW THIS TO ANYONE OR THEY WILL KNOW OUR CODE.
SSS LLL (That stands for sorry so short, longer letter later)
Love and kisses (but just as friends)
Your BFF ANN THE ONE AND ONLY EVER!
p.s. I hope we are still BFF and I hope you do not hate me. If you hate me please DESTROY this letter. But can I come over still and watch DAYS?
Aw snap! One time this girl I totally hate stole my "our notebook" and totally read it out loud to people. It was like so totally mortifying.
ReplyDeleteGood thing I grew up in the era of secret pager code. 143 totally meant "I love you" but 43 well that meant something else (that rhymes with "pluck you")
Hilarious as always, thanks for the laughs!
You are totally Lisa Bonet. Especially when you wear your acid-washed jean jacket with the studs and big shoulder pads.
ReplyDelete1. My sister's name is Marsha.
ReplyDelete2. Jon Uppenear totally stole my notebook. And in it? I had the super secret 7 Tips for Flirting, and he showed it to the teacher who told the principal who totally cornered me in the hallway and I lied straight to his face and said no, the 7 Tips for Flirting are absolutely not mine.
True Story.
P.S. I cannot get over the cuteness of that picture. I want to hug that little ann-child.
ReplyDeleteYay, I have to say your picture takes the cake!
ReplyDeleteAmazing slice of middle school life. If I switched words from Days of our lives to General Hospital and Lisa Bonet to Jeanie Francis, the I might have written this letter circa 1979.
ReplyDeleteOh my gawd, the horror of leaked secrets. I love these. I've forgotten so much of that time period and it comes whooshing back.
ReplyDeleteI. Love. This!
ReplyDelete:-)
jj
I LOVE YOUR BLOG. Ok, Trapper keeper? Most perfect nostrils? K means tampon!? You have NAILED the middle school girl mind.
ReplyDeleteMy bff was very organized and we got to keeping a calendar in our spiral notebooks to jot down our outfits each day so we didn't repeat the same thing too often.
ReplyDeleteThere were some code words, and we often spoke french to each other when in a crowd so we could make our snarky comments without "ears".
That, was a long long time ago.
Need more details on the haircut. And the choice of clothing that day.
ReplyDeleteJust the whole day reconstruct b/c picture day: you know, a big deal.
I love this little girl, just so love her.....
Substitute Days of Our Lives w/ "G.H." and I'm all over it! :)
ReplyDeleteI am DYING! OMG I love this so much because Leo, Cherry and I had a notebook and I think we lost it once too.
ReplyDeleteLOVE THIS! and you. I would totally circle YES on how much I like you. Totally.
Oh Ann. You cheered me right up. As per usual. It is terrifying that I actually said so many of these exact things in notes in elem school. We were constantly meeting in the bathrooms to pass notes with circle Y or N or Maybe, mostly about switching BFFs, constantly. What stressful drama :)
ReplyDeleteI will never stop laughing.
ReplyDeleteIs that a Forenza sweater from Express or Limited that you're wearing?
ReplyDeleteTrapper Keeper, Days...ah, the memories. What's funny (or sad) is that some of those characters are still on Days!
Great post!
I adore every version of Ann that I have had the pleasure of meeting.
ReplyDelete*cough* All My Children *cough*
I wish Marsha wasn't your BFF because I would totally want you to be my BFF. In case you want to change your mind about that we have 2 T.V's and I make really good peanut butter toast. Oh and my Mom just bought about a kazillion Shasta Diet Sodas in EVERY flavor.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin.
If this weren't already perfectly laugh out loud great, the picture is the cherry on top. Love it.
ReplyDeleteI just want to go on record that I would TOTALLY vote for you for student council.
ReplyDeleteXO
A.
You really should go back to that hairstyle. And is that a cravat?
ReplyDeleteProps for posting that picture. I circle Molly Ringwald.
ReplyDeleteAh, the notebook. It's totally like a book by Nicolas Sparks about the drama of middle school.
Except actually?
'K' stands for STRIKE!
YAY MIDDLE SCHOOL COLUMNIST!
I'm totally writing to you on looseleaf, but it's totally showing up on my computer.
ReplyDeleteI. Love. You.
You just captured every embarrassing thing that can pass between two middle school girls. And I am totally laughing my ass off.
ReplyDeleteFantastic post, Annie!!!!
You just captured every embarrassing thing that can pass between two middle school girls. And I am totally laughing my ass off.
ReplyDeleteFantastic post, Annie!!!!
That is the best insight into a middle school-er I've read ever. And so I ever remember UGLY!
ReplyDeleteSoo funny!
ReplyDeleteI like your hair better now.
My college psych 101 prof lost my journal! I filled an entire notebook, hoping that he wouldn't read between the lines about me being in love with him.
I think he just thought I wrote way too much for him to ever finish reading and he tossed it.
For the full middle school experience, I wore an Esprit sweater and Guess jeans while reading this.
ReplyDeleteThen I said "Jake Ryan" over and over again. Just because!
OK. I am pretend kissing him in my mind. Over a birthday cake.
I'm older than dirt and I can still laugh like hell if I insert Marsha Brady in there somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI didn't even need to read. The picture was enough. And then I read it and then I thought as I usually do, how in the hell does Ann come up with this shit?
ReplyDeletexoxo
Lee
I totally had my DIARY stolen by that hypocrite Cate Philips who then passed it around study hall!
ReplyDeleteMy crush list was in it!!!
Ughhh...middle school
From the looks of that photo An was all riness Di. That was what you were going for right?
ReplyDeleteI had a habit of writing novel manifesto sized love letters, untill I found one page in every room of my crush's house during a party.
Sadly I disovered the first page next to the comode.
Oh did I mention I was NOT in grade school at the time.
Sorry TMI!
I think I stopped watching Days around the time that New Roman found out he wasn't Old Roman because Old Roman came back and Marlena was very confused and torn. Was Kayla the last of the soap stars who was allowed to be bigger than a size 4?
ReplyDeleteBTW You are TOTALLY Lisa Bonet (like when she was on the Cosby show but after she got her braces off and stopped wearing diaper pants of course).