Thursday, February 25, 2010

Signs it is Purim and not Halloween in DiasporaExtreme, USA

No one else is wearing a costume.

No one knows it is Purim.

No one else has actually heard of Purim, but think it might be a hand-sanitizer, and wonder why you are wearing that oversized triangle on your head.

When your neighbor asks why you are wearing a triangle hat and a greasepaint goatee, and you respond "I’m Haman” she does not smile. She crooks her head and says “That’s nice dear.”

A random dude wandering by overhears and responds "Hey Mon." He holds out his hand as in a universally-recognized high five.

Instead of trick or treating you get to go to temple.

Instead of ghost stories, you are regaled with yet another tale of near-genocide from your Rabbi. He is dressed as Dolly-the-Cloned-Sheep for the occasion.

Instead of candy you get to enjoy pastries full of prunes (Surprise!) or maybe even poppyseeds (SURPRISE)!!

No one understands when you complain that Queen Esther costumes are so cliche

After your friends and neighbors receive your Annual Purim Letter, they never mention it to you ever, and seem a little more eye-twitchy in your presence than usual.

No one else seems to know the festive holiday carol ‘My Hat it Has Three Corners’ in English. They don’t even know the Hebrew version “Ha Covah Sheli Shalosh Pinot” but when you say “Pinot” the neighbor boy laughs really hard.
Posted by Ann Imig
at 9:37 AM
Labels: ,

37 comments:

  1. LOL! Pinot! Heh, heh, heh...
    Shit. I forgot to make our Shalach Manot baskets... Chag Sameach!
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  2. I'm in the 95% but I still loved this post.
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  3. it makes me alternately sad/happy i wasn't raised jewish like my mom was.
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  4. I always knew I was missing out on all the fun.
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  5. My poor niece Esther is always made to be Queen Esther on Purim. And don't even bring up Haman around my nephews. He's SO SCARY!

    I'll be expecting my Purim basket soon.
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  6. Purim...Purim...isn't that a setting on the blender??

    If someone offers me a kreplach, should I accept, or is that soemthing one doesn't do on the first date?

    I kid.

    Happy Purim to ya, sugar...(or, insert appropriate and heartfelt holiday greeting here)(becaue I'm ignorant but willing to learn).

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K
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  7. My sister sent me CHOCOLATE hamantashen today. CHOCOLATE! Why have I been making apricot all these years? (And by making I mean buying at the sisterhood gift shop. And by buying, I mean, meaning to buy, but not wanting to pay $18 for a dozen jam filled cookies)
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  8. Let the festivities begin. Drinks, shlach manot and hamantaschen. And something tells me that my kids are going to bring home more fish from the damn carnival.
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  9. My kids wear their Halloween costumes to Purim. We're willing to endure the stairs. Stretch is going as a cowboy.

    The real surprise is the positive drug test for the next week, from all the poppy seeds. Don't pee in a cup, for anybody.
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  10. see? yet another reason i need to hasten my conversion. i am missing out on all these kooky, fun-filled holidays.

    mazal tov?
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  11. I've decided to give up Chocolate for a month in honor of Purim.



    you can thank me later.
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  12. You stole my post for this week. Ay. My class made 52 hamantashen yesterday....send me to the gallows with Haman.

    The three points are also in reference to Haman's ears. I bet he was a real looker.
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  13. I'd laugh at pinot too and then I'd ask for a glass.

    Whistlin', cos I got NO idea what you're talkin' about. But over on my post? I'm dyin'. I am....
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  15. I no longer get to call myself "sort of Jewish." I only got like half of this.
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  16. I am with you 100%. My favorite part was the grogger. Of course I haven't really celebrated anything related to Judaism in years - but ai still love me a hamentashen.
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  17. Yep. I'm in the 95% but anything that has prune and poppy seed surprises is nothing I want to learn about. Ever.

    Can we still be friends?

    :-)
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  18. Oh, man. I love a good near-genocide story! *slaps knee*
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  19. Hey Mon!!

    I'm trying to be the random dude.... I bet he'd be your friend if you gave him some of those yummy pruney pastries. (SURPRISE!) <----That one made me *really* laugh out loud.*

    *To clarify, your joke made me laugh out loud. Not mine.
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  20. Thank god my daughter wants to wear her cheerleading costume and not that cliche Queen Esther outfit.

    BTW - how does a nice Waspy girl like myself know so much about Purim?
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  21. My hat, it has 3 corners...
    3 corners has my hat.
    And had it not, 3 corners...
    It would not be, my hat!

    Why do I know this song? I was raised Catholic and am now all "anti-organized-religion" so there really isn't any reason why I should know this song...

    Just had to tell you that you DO have a link to non-Jews on this. ;)
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  22. I love it.

    My Giant Jew-y husband noted:

    At Camp Ramah, hamentashen was a euphemism for "lady parts."

    Lady Gaga is the new gregger.
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  23. I made those pastries with apple butter in them- yum! My son declared them the best "cookies" ever! Wish I'd known that recipe years ago...but I'm just a Gentile "heir to the promise!" (Eph. 3:6)and found it in a recent Bible study. So I actually "got" some of your Purim banter. :)
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  24. You don't know your lucky good fortune. Observed today, amongst others, were:
    1 little "Stephany" from Lazytown,
    3 seriously disturbing "Santa's prostitut-s", one of which was of the male persuasion,
    countless bare-legged angels, fairies, demonesses and general harlots,
    A few "Dubai groups",
    And a single adult Cinderella (maybe it was sleeping beauty), all freezing their butts off because winter came around, like every Purim, and nobody would give up the chance to go around with their asses hanging out.

    Would you care for a recipe for nut and honey filling for your next taschens?
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  25. All I can say is that poppy seeds are way underrated. They make bread fun.
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  26. Wait....so, holy crap, 95% of the other readers are whistlin' too??? WOOT! I'm the majority. Call a national holiday....
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  28. Yeah,we Jews really got it made huh?
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  29. I'm off to do some Googling....:D

    Happy Purim!

    xoxo elizabeth
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  30. I was surrounded by Catholics growing up - so not much of this rings a bell... But I do know that My Hat it Has Three Corners song. Weird.
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  31. This is hilarious! Purim hand sanitizer is genius - so funny!
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  32. I'm a shiksa but I learned how to make hamantaschen as a child (http://www.magpiemusing.com/2008/03/three-cornered-hat.html), which maybe I should do today...
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  34. Totally hyserical. I forgot totally that was Purim, which would freak out my family if they knew. My goyim fiance just asked me what "Pima" is... oy...
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  35. I am literally luaghing hysterically. How have I been missing your blog? My hubby is Jewish but we missed Purim to go to the beach - we just had to get to some sun. We dress up in costumes all the time though so we will be ready next year!

    Love your blog and I am following to hear more wonderful stuff!
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  36. Hey, I had an awesome Queen Esther costume. It was my aunts old prom dress, bright red and flowery.Plus a fabulous hat.LOL.
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  37. Everyone was always Queen Esther! But I wanted to be a cat, for no apparent reason. Also Hamentashen (when made well) are delicious!
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