Thursday, February 18, 2010

Medicine MANIA!

Featuring lightweight and highly bendable THREE vs. Middleweight and highly obsessed ME (with appearances from Heavy Weight and highly ambivalent HUSBAND)

ROUND ONE (PING!)
Begin antibiotic dosage in car seat, immediately following doctor diagnosis of double-ear-infections-almost-rupturing. Succeed in dosing antibiotic all over car seat (and snow suit) with none passing through Three’s ziplocked lips. Tears commence.

On the ride home, console Three with ideas of chocolate ice-cream chasers. After arriving home and while preparing the second-attempt dosage, realize that you finished the chocolate ice cream two nights ago.

Break "oops no ice cream" news gently, but follow up with a magically appearing dusty chocolate ball from your wizard-cupboard full of plastic extemporaneousness. Place it side by side with the medicine.

Three will lunge for the chocolate. BUT YOU ARE NOT FOOLED THAT EASILY. Whoaaa no, YOU ARE NOT.

Breathe.

Offer the choices and for God's sake PROTECT THAT MAGICAL DUSTY CHOCOLATE BALL. Offer? Protect! Offer? Protect! Offer? Three refuses, superglues lips, hides.

ROUND TWO (PINNGG)
Tackle Three while trying to channel serious medic force-feeding skills. Struggle ensues as Three evaporates and disappears even when faced with the fullest of Nelsons. Whimper, whine, stomp RRRROOOAARRR!!! Terrify both children and Husband who tries to help but cannot get a pulse on exactly what the hell is going on around here, nor what on earth he should do. Smile. LAUGH maniacally. Wish you had a less cliché reference than Joan Crawford.

Consider immediate conversion to Christian Science, complete with a healing prayer circle Tweet-up.

Instead, accept offer of help from Almost Six. He too wants a magic dusty chocolate ball so badly and despite your request/demands/begging NOT TO TOUCH THE MEDICINE DO NOT TOUCH THE MEDICINE Almost-Six grabs the second-attempt dosage and launches a vial full of medicine kinda sorta at Three’s mouth. Three wails upon receipt of medicine face-wash [insert always effective “(sigh)NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME(stomp)” here].

Mop up small sticky Three and appeal to his reason. Because preschoolers are logical. “If you don’t take this medicine your ears will pop and it will hurt so bad. (Three cries harder). If you don’t take this medicine I will have to bring you back to the Doctor tomorrow and you will have to get a shot (Three cries harder still).

ROUND THREE (PINNNGGG)
Mix Third and final dose with chocolate syrup. Spill it all over Three in the process—also known as HersheyBoarding. Three is okay with HersheyBoarding. Stay calm and try to stay positive, do not let your fear of failure show. Hold your breath as he takes spoonful after interminable spoonful, and watch his pathetic little expression alternate between revulsion and chocolate deliciousness.

Follow with magic dusty chocolate ball.

Repeat twice daily FOR TEN DAYS.

Posted by Ann Imig
at 8:21 PM
Labels: , ,

39 comments:

  1. Sweet Jesus, that photo. I LOVE him and his dear little mucus-filled ears.

    And I still say hog tying is the way to go.
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  2. this is precisely why the best day of a mother's life is when her child learns to swallow a damn pill.

    hope he feels better... for both of your sakes.
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  3. OH MY GOD, best post ever! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING.

    How did the Christian Science Tweet Up work for you Mommy Dearest?
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  4. LMAO! Oh, girlfriend, better you than me. What a cutie-pie he is.

    My white Chihuahua, Dixie, gets car sick. I have to give her Benydral. She soon became a pink Chihuahua. She would've looked great in Paris Hilton's pink Bentley.

    Hope you've got some good meds for YOURSELF to get you through the next 10 days.
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  5. good lord, that picture says it all. he is so freaking cute.
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  6. Oh, so funny! I'm sorry for your misfortune of having to try to medicate the unmedicatable (word?), but, oh goodness, you make me laugh so hard my stomach muscles hurt. And hubby, too. He's your newest lurker, fyi.
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  7. hi, me again. just hoping I can see this in action on Tuesday night. Yes? I'll bring popcorn and wine for the show.

    and I'll try not to comment again
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  8. The boy's got stamina, mama ranter. But you are crafty and creative. The Hershey-Boarding certainly would have reeled me in!

    That picture? Delicious.
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  9. Don't know about you but I'm exhausted!!
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  10. The medicine goes in the mouth, not the hair.
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  12. Oh, my. Laughing my head off. Hoping {for your sake and his} for fewer rounds tomorrow.

    Bri
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  13. Aha, I see he is throwing the preschool gang sign meaning "fight the medicine!!" in that photo. My four year old knows it well.

    We recently finished 10 days of antibiotics THREE times a day. By the end of it I think he was eating about three tablespoons of straight up sugar from the sugar bowl three times a day.

    Sign me up for the Christian Science Tweet Up.
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  14. Every mother's pain. When all the horrible parenting tricks come out to shine. The gloves are off kid, it's medicine time.

    I use these experiences to inspire my children to invent new and marvelous ways to administer medicine to future generations and make the world a shiny happy place. They've come up with medicine stickers (not far off actually).
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  15. I LOVEEEEEEEEEE that picture!!!


    omg I am still chuckling.


    (And I've had QUITE the workout -running with the garbage can in my room. I've had one or two go home EACH DAY this week. And it ain't pretty.
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  16. This is fantastic--and that picture, boy.

    I always threaten with a rectal thermometer. It even works on my husband.
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  18. Wendi is right you are hilarious
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  19. Poor baby... why, OH WHY can't they make that nasty, viscous antibiotic serum into something marginally more palletable, I will never know. I think my back still hurts from all the wrestling we did with the Near Two over the Christmas holidays. Ack. Good luck. Enjoy. Praying for you...
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  20. Holy crap!

    Poor little guy. It's a good thing you posted that photo, or my sympathies would have been ONLY with you.

    Tell Three the ear-popping thing is SO PAINFUL! Also, where the hell was MY dusty magic chocolate ball when I had to go through it? Oh, yeah. I was 20.
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  21. Gaak! I hated that. Done now. Mine take pills (oh, and that was fun, too).

    Quick tip from the medicine aisle--you can put anything down a child's throat if you are willing to make them furious at you. Hold nose until mouth opens, squirt in back of throat so that reflexes take over. They'll hate you, but it goes down. Sort of like when you poke a pill down a dog's throat. Same idea.

    Been there. Fun times.
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  22. 10 days. For Real - that is just an insane amount of time to have to wrestle your kid. Been there. We usually have to sit on top of him. Holding arms down. Blow in their face, it makes them have to swallow.
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  23. i remember doing all that with monkey her first year. man she could hold her breathe. as she got older (thank goodness she grew out of her ear infections) she would get her meds with a chocolate milk chaser. it was less traumatic, but only marginally. good luck and i hope he doesn't need it again. for the future, the chewable ones are worse than the liquid.

    that picture is too much. he's a hoot.
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  25. LOVE the picture! And send you my sympathies! You should be proud of his grit and determination.
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  26. His hair is so NOMMMMNOMable!
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  27. Honestly. I'm laughing out loud over here.

    :-)

    Pearl
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  28. Amazing how strong they suddenly become when faced with something they don't like.
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  29. Wow, been there! Now that you've figured out the Hershey's trick things should go much more smoothly!

    My 5 year old has had so many ear infections that the taste of medicine doesn't phase him. Kind of sad, really.
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  30. As an alternative to Joan - I usually refer to these struggles as our Annie Sullivan/Helen Keller moments. Which I fondly shorten to "brunch with Annie and Helen." They happen daily over one thing or another. I feel your pain. And really like "Hersheyboarding."
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  31. HersheyBoarding KILLS me! Also, his hair.

    Mix it with grenadine - that cherry syrup stuff they use to make mixed drinks (Shirley Temples). Kids LOVE that stuff. Tell him it's melted candy.
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  32. Love it. I don't know what is wrong with my child but he enjoys taking meds. You have helped me be greatful today!
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  33. Oh. The memories! I always feel like the kid with all these tactics (they so have the upper hand). Try chiropractic for ear infections. We discovered it helped after footing bills for five different ear tube surgeries. Sending good voo doo your way!
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  34. Oh man Ann, I don't know about you but I am laughing out loud because THAT last photo is just an awesome way to end.
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  35. Oh so funny! My littlest will only take medicine if she can do it herself. We get the syringes to fill them and she squirts it in her own mouth. (as a side note the syringes are great for "forcing" medicine down because while one parent hold them you can squirt it inside their cheek and they have to swallow it).

    Hopefully everyone will feel better soon and by day 4 he will submit and you will be victorious!
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  36. you really should work with me as a volunteer. I really think between the two of us they could shut the ER down in a matter of days
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  37. Hershey Boarding is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. xoxo
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  38. Oh my Lord- the picture is perfection. Whatever you do, never, EVER give him Mucinex. I got my ass chewed tonight by the six year old because I neglected to get his "chaser" ready.
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  39. My son is six and has never willingly taken medicine, so I know what your going through. Even the headlock, strangle, nose pinch won't work with him! He's had pneumonia twice, the first time I let them give him double shots of antibiotic. Painful but done.
    Second time I tried by mouth. I can't believe he actually recovered knowing he only had but drops aat a time of his med.
    Hope you little one feels better soon.
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