[What they should've asked...]
Why do you want to adopt a pet? Do you yearn for more feet on your keyboard and furbutt slamming your laptop screen shut?
Do you know what kind of pet is right for you? May we suggest a goldfish? Or better yet, a Webkinz?
Can you afford to care for your pet’s health and safety? Did you plan on spending that grand for kitty dentistry, with no discernible breath improvement? How will you respond to your pet's request for gastric bypass? Will you hand feed him pureed Fancy Feast with an eye dropper, if it means an improvement in his self-esteem?
Will you be able to spend quality time with your pet? Other than the “bray like a demonbaby-upon seeing the neighbor cat at 4am-inflate tail and go psycho” game?
Are you prepared to handle the animal’s health challenges? How do you feel about hairballs? Would you say you enjoy binging and purging as much as the next person?
Are you willing to train your animal companion? When he uses the litterbox as an armrest, can you calmly redirect him? Will you handle litterbox kickbacks swiftly and with compassion? How about when he expresses his ennui by pissing on your pillow?
Are you prepared to pet-proof your home? Could you invent a baby-gate that keeps the toddler out, but lets the kitty cat in? Without decapitating the toddler?
Is your living space adequate for an animal companion? How do you feel about your linen closet as a kitty condo? Would you classify yourself as a "free-range" cat family? Or a "have you seen the cat this week" family?
Are you ready to make a long-term commitment? After your kids move out of the house, do you want a remaining dependent with eight more lives?
You know cats whine, right? Especially just as your children nod off, and often while keyboard pacing?
Excellent. You are denied. NEXT!
Monday, January 25, 2010
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24 comments:
Maybe just start feeding the neighbors cat and suddenly you have a new pet!
We are definitely a "have you seen the cat this week" kind of family.
Are you prepared to pet-proof your home? Could you invent a baby-gate that keeps the toddler out, but lets the kitty cat in? Without decapitating the toddler?
Hahahahahahaha! This is so true. And so impossible to accomplish.
The labels are almost as funny as the post
My cat keeps me in line by flipping me the bird at least twice a day, the darling girl.
This is awesome. Especially since I spent $500 dollars for the vet to tell me my cat is an asshole. I know she's an asshole. Really? That costs half a grand?
Yeah. Reading after paying the vet $90 for the dog's eyedrops. Ugh.(at least my 95lb Shepherd isn't slamming my laptop shut with his furry butt!)
Cats scare me. Now I'm more scared than ever. :)
What a wonderful lesson in entitlement cats provide. They're the entitled and we do the providing.
I so relate to that using the litter box as an arm rest.
Still, I can't imagine a home of mine without a cat.
Well...Since you put it THAT way...
I've never really been a cat person myself. I just can't compete with an animal which thinks the world revolves around them.
i definitely didn't get the revised form and was basically duped into adopting 4 pets. is it possible for me to sue?
I'm with me-me king "I just can't compete with an animal which thinks the world revolves around them."
And I would add:
"When everybody plainly knows the world revolves around me."
I have six cats. I don't know WHAT the hell I was thinking, but nobody EVER interviewed me before sending me home with yet another fur ball. DAMN.
cats. NOT my thing. At. All.
My dog has eaten a recliner chair and a couch, tho - so who am I to be making opinions.
"litterbox kickbacks" So THAT'S what you call it.
:-)
Great job.
xo
Pets are a wonderful thing..pets are a wonderful thing...not working...
I will not be considering a pet until long after I no longer have to deal with human poop on a daily basis.
Excellent post, Ann -- the best ones are always based in truth!
Pearl
When a coyote eats your cat will you feel sad or relieved? (no kidding. coyotes near our property have snatched cats. so we're now a no-cat family)
(want me to catch you a coyote?)
So funny. Although Webkinz maintenance is nothing to sneeze at, either.
In light of the fact that there are thousands of pets destroyed every year in America, it seems that they should be a tad less choosy. But what do I know?
I wish i had been denied when i adopted my dog.
I have to tell you that I used to work at a shelter and probably should have used these.
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