1. You ask a baby-wearing Mama where she got “that silly backpack”
2. The last time you changed a diaper your child said “I prefer a bidet”
3. You’ve stopped speaking to your husband in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS
4. Breastfeeding a baby now seems as remote a possibility as molting your feathers.
5. You no longer have babies spitting up at the dinner table, but rather loud burps followed by “AWESOME”
6. Your stroller is so dirty and jerry-rigged that Graco recalls you personally
7. Instead of playing “pattycake” your kids play “Butt2Butt”
8. You can no longer pull-off the “baby brain” excuse (but isn’t your kid in kindergarten?)
9. You inform the infant sucking on a pacifier that she has “something in her teeth”
10. You tell that same infant that “she might be cute and all, but it’s rude to drift off when someone is speaking to you”
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A huge thank you to Allison, Heather, & Steph, for hosting Cupcake10. I loved meeting new bloggy friends and reuniting with others in such a cozy, laid back setting. Hearing everyone’s stories both humbled and inspired me, and I feel thankful to begin the new year with a fresh perspective.
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Monday, January 11, 2010
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haha,
ReplyDelete5. You no longer have babies spitting up at the dinner table, but rather loud burps followed by “AWESOME”
Hillarious.
Those loud burps at the dinner table never go away. Never.
ReplyDeleteI've even considered joining them.
Great, now I have to Google cupcake10. But I do like anything involving cupcakes.
ReplyDeleteVery funny list btw.
number 5 is particularly apt in our household, shame to say!
ReplyDeleteYeah, and you look back fondly when you see babies, forgetting (almost) the constant exhaustion, and only remembering those adorable drooly baby smiles.
ReplyDeleteI'd love to see you molt feathers. Dare ya!
ReplyDelete#5 especially :)
ReplyDeletea little jealous that i didn't find about Cupcake 10 until it was too late. seriously, my frickin' backyard. sheesh.
ReplyDeleteYou're the best. I agree with the fresh perspective gained... I'm going to be considering it as I make some changes.
ReplyDeleteSteph
11. A woman walking by with a baby does NOT make you run home to have sex with your husband.
ReplyDelete(That one took me a while. Hence the 4 kids)
Love it, Ann. #5 is my favorite for sure (even though I've still got a death-grip on babyhood....)
ReplyDeletexo elizabeth
Cannot say I personally relate, having always utilized my vagina in the "entry only" mode, so if you can make me laugh with this, and you did, it's got to be pretty freakin' funny -- and it is! Plus I've always thought that kids sucking on pacifiers looked like candidates for the short bus. I say if a kid needs something to suck on give him a cigarette. Oh, yeah... I've got "mommy" written all over me.
ReplyDeleteCommenter above me? HILARIOUS. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go replace my child's pacifier with a menthol light.
ReplyDelete#6 made me laugh. A lot.
look at a mother trying to calm her screaming baby and think to yourself, "Jesus, what's wrong with you? Can't you just shut him up?"
ReplyDeleteWhen is the "baby brain" cut off? Anyone? I'm clinging to it because it sounds so much friendlier than "dumb-ass."
ReplyDeleteDo you have any idea when they out grow the loud burp followed by AWESOME???
ReplyDelete:-)
I need to stop having friggin babies before my butt bump stage gets all messed up with my diaper changing stage.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME!
ReplyDeletethat one (#5) is funny
so's the rest of it
Love #3 - can't wait to stop barking at hub, and cutting his meat into miniscule portions like an automaton....
ReplyDelete#5 made me laugh. My five year-old daughter wants to know why her nine year old brother won't teach her to burp louder.
ReplyDeleteFun times.
3, 5, 7, and 8 are totally my house. Does that mean I'm contemplating another baby? Heaven help me!
ReplyDeleteI think "I personally" was on the Graco recall list...do not borrow or swap any Graco product with the person..we cannot be held accountable for it's condition!
ReplyDeletePeace ~ Rene
I LOVED this list.
ReplyDeleteNow, how do I go about actually having someone recalled? Do you have a phone number for that?
:-D Anna
Love it. #5 resonates for some reason. but that's hubby for me, not the kids.
ReplyDeletekiran
So funny and so right!
ReplyDeleteSucks not being able to blame my weight on having a baby when she can drive soon! Happy New Year!
ReplyDelete"Your headache is still there.""
ReplyDeleteWait..wait..that doesn't go away until they leave for college.
My bad.
These are great! I am in that stage too and have found it hard to find someone else there too. Thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteLoved the one about the stroller recall best... but all were brilliant. As usual!
ReplyDeleteNow, I really don't get this whole cupcake thing- email me details. Actually, it might be best not to, I didn't ask earlier so I wouldn't get jealous and there are no guarantees that I won't get less insanely jealous reading about it after the fact.
I was under the impression that baby brain lasted through college... Now I have to rethink everything. If I remember.
ReplyDeleteHow do you play Butt2Butt? No, really, I want to know. It sounds hella-fun!
ReplyDeletethis? is awesome. and so are you. and so was meeting you this weekend. thank you.
ReplyDelete#5 & #6 apply to me in a unimaginable way. Your list is priceless. Thanks for the smile!
ReplyDeleteMaybe not baby brain, but what about baby weight? Can I still pull that off? My youngest will be five on the 29th. Please advise.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this out loud to Ryan (per usual, no pressure) we couldn't stop laughing at the Graco one...seriously. You should SEE our stroller. DEE-sgusting.
ReplyDeleteI just love you too, by the way. A lot.
And tell Amy up there that she was there in spirit. She was obviously missed, tell her I noticed that. I mean, I don't know her but it sounds to me like she's a keeper. (I did tell her she looks like Cameron Diaz at blogher, but I don't really think she liked that....whoops)
I was so jealous of you all at Cupcake! Maybe one day...
ReplyDeleteThis post was so cute. And yes, I find myself being jolted occasionally by how far I have come from those baby days.
As your newest pregnant friend (at least I think I am), I want to tell you that you are going to have to get reacquainted with all things newborn in 2010. I mean, how else are you going to babysit for me while I am off drinking at BlogHer?
ReplyDeleteHAHA!
My due date is August 18. Get ready.
xoxo
#5 is my fav! Cause it's awesome to have a teen who has no manners.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, #9 sadly resonates here. I actually taught him to lie to the dentist last week so I wouldn't get the "he's almost 4" speech.
ReplyDeleteWe have a long line of English heritage. It's not like those puppies were going to be straight anyway.
We also get "good RIP!" about burps and farts at our house.
ReplyDeleteI can't blame my overweightness on my son anymore, being that he is six. DAMN.
Girl, I had such a blast hanging with you! I wish you lived closer:/
ReplyDeleteloved #5! A real turning of age in our house. Where did the time go?
ReplyDeleteGreat list! I'm finally becoming close to relating!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy brother has 5 kids. When the youngest was potty trained, I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone, and she said she had gone grocery shopping. Significant Pause.
ReplyDelete"I didn't buy diapers."
Okay...
"for the first time in 17 years."
My god, they are superhuman.