Monday, August 17, 2009

I didn’t see the forest through the pee

Good news: TwoPointFive has been in underwear for three months
Bad news: TwoPointFive has been peeing in underwear five times a day

Good news: TwoPointFive will pee in the potty every fifteen minutes if offered
Bad news: Two Point Five will pee in the potty every fifteen minutes if offered

Good news: Two point five seems to be poop trained.
Bad news: Two point five is so expertly poop trained that he just shat in a plastic bag containing one of his “guys”

Good news: Months of potty training has paid off
Bad news: in that I’ve trained only myself to remind TwoPointFive to pee every fifteen minutes.
Worse news: Indifferent to feeling wet and taking full advantage of Pediatrician’s suggestion to return to pull-ups for two weeks, TwoPointFive spent two days gleefully testing pull-up absorbancy limits.
Worst news: TwoPointFive responds to bribery in the form of Nerds candy. Now Five want to be rewarded with “Nerbs” every time he pees.
Most tragic news of all: Mommy has consumed vast majority of Nerbs within the first twelve hours on premises.

Good News: In the midst of her PeePorium, Mommy’s flash fiction got named a finalist in the Women on Writing Spring 2009 Contest.
Bad News: Mommy didn’t win a tiara or any cash, but you can read her piece here.

Thank you, WOW, I feel honored to be named a top ten finalist, and thrilled to have had my entry judged by literary agent, Wendy Sherman. Everyone, go check out WOW’s website—a fantastic resource for women writers. It’s only ten bucks to enter, so get scribblin’!

Posted by Ann Imig
at 12:01 AM
Labels: , , , ,

42 comments:

  1. I'm whistlin'? Damn. You know me too well....
    But I still read your stuff..:)))
    I loved Date Night and I forgot to tell you that last week; I read it again now. I also read it ages ago when I wrote "Love," remember you were working on it? I loved it then....and now....you're too good....
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  2. Kudos on the being selected! Well deserved.

    About the pee training... perhaps you should up the ante by making TwoPointFive run through a maze to find the potty. That way you could cut down on the number of Nerds distributed, you could say you were developing your child's thinking skills and if you made the maze long enough so it would take TwoPointFive 15 minutes to traverse the route, you could just put him on a continuous loop and have more time for yourself.
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  3. Good news: Your writing rocks!
    Bad news: You're still potty training.

    I am thinking I would rather have Nerds than M&M's. Although I have switched to dark chocolate while training since you know, it's healthier... (My husband laughs at me too.)
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  4. I'll take some Nerbs! And I throw in some m&m's - I'm all yours.

    Read your piece, good stuff!!
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  5. Great job on the award...the potty training...uh, good luck with that.
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  6. WOOOO HOOOOO! That rocks! (not the peeing in the pants thing. I have two boys, I feel your pain on that. I've decided to just go with the flow...literally...forever. I know, I'm terribly disciplined.
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  7. ha ha ha ha ha ha on PeePorium and Nerbs. Oh...and congrats on the award.
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  8. I won't pee for Nerbs but I will for M&Ms or any other form of chocolate. Does that make me a chocolate whore? I think it might.
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  9. Hey, congrats!
    That's great.

    Funny post, BTW.
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  10. Awesome... So that's what I can look forward to in about another 12 months or so. Nerbs, huh? And thanks for your encouraging and enthusiastic comments. They keep me going, for sure.
    : )
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  11. Oh.my.stars. This good news/bad news business slayed me. I would tell you my latest good news/bad news story, but I think it might ruin your lunch. Francesca sent me. I'm so glad she did.
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  12. This made me laugh because (well, because it was funny - but also because) I've been thinking about writing something kind of similar regarding the difference in potty training my oldest and trying to potty train my twins. Oliver was VERY motivated by treats and I think he gained 10 lbs. sitting on the potty eating miniature marshmallows.

    I haven't made that same mistake with the twins, but George has found his own dysfunctional potty training behavior. He is very motivated by FLUSHING. He loves going potty so he can flush. And if I'm not there to watch him, he'll flush like 70 times. He also likes to hit every potty (we have 3) so he can flush each of them. Kind of like a Round the World of potties. We had to lock our powder room to keep him out. He's a menace.

    I miss diapers.

    Who am I kidding - they totally still wear diapers. They'll be "potty training" until they're in high school.
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  13. I just jumped on the potty trainning ride. It's quite an adventure.

    On a positive note, I've only changed two poopy diapers in the last week. On the negative note, there is exactly zero progress on the pee pee front and I keep talking about potty stuff in adult company.
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  14. We're going through potty training with The Boy around here, and it's not going well. He gleefully announces that he needs to pee 30 seconds AFTER he's already peed. Le sigh.

    And I gave him Nerbs the other day, which he ate one Nerb at a time. It took an hour, and he was covered in red dye by the time he was done. The Nerbs have been hidden.

    And congrats on being selected.
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  15. I would gladly wear a pull up for some Nerds... is that bad?
    Sorry you are having potty training woes. I dont look forward to that, EVER! but congrats on being selected :)
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  16. First, Love your blog post title.
    Second, congrats....again.
    Third, I don't know what's third. Or is that What's On Third? Or is it Who's on Third?
    Oh great, now I'm lost. Who's blog is this again? Do I know you?
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  17. And the bad news is--you'll still be doing this about brushing teeth and taking acne medication and putting in orthodontic appliances when 2.5 is 18.
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  19. Good stuff....I'm so out of my league here. Congrats, again. Keep on the potty training. Before long, you'll know every good bathroom in town.
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  20. Another funny post! :-)

    Pearl
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  21. OK, just a little suggestion. Hire a real nerd and make sure 2.5 knows he's going to have to spend time listening to said nerd describe machine code in detail if he fails to pee where most patient mom designates.

    It's called negative reinforcement. It's cruel. But it works!

    Congrats on your story. Loved it. I'm sure I told you that already.

    Cheers,

    SLC
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  22. i'd like to come up with something witty or perhaps something wise to make you feel better, but all i am thinking is "praise the good lord in heaven that those days are behind me."

    there you have it.

    oh, and i guess "better you than me," would be rubbing it in?
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  23. I'm snarling with jealousy over your potty training prowess. I started. And stopped. I really suck.
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  24. Okay, the whole poop and pee thing is why I don't like Mommy Bloggers. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

    And you won something and I'm happy for you but seriously, poop and pee?
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  25. Congrats on the award!

    Some unsolicited advice (from when I was a pre-school teacher):

    Put cheerios in the toilet and give 2.5 a challenge to sink the cheerios - you may go through a lot of cheerios, but it might just be what makes the toilet more fun than wet pants!

    Good luck!
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  26. congratulations my incredibly genious funny friend.
    Also, I recall eating an enormous amount of M&M's during pee pee training.
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  27. So well deserved! Best wishes, and many blissings to you!
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  28. Bossy was a fan of no diapers/pull-ups of any variety for this potty training business. The first bit of pee to trickle down the leg usually provides horror enough to last a lifetime.

    Bossy learned this method at the Mommy Dearest School of Parenting. Oh, also, did Bossy mention she accomplished this during the summers spent in a rented beach house? Because trickled pee? Ew.
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  29. I have nothing in common with you (really. Age maybe but that's it) and I find you really funny so you must be pretty hilarious. That's not supposed to sound like a backhanded compliment. It's a compliment, honestly.


    I just did a bit of pee chuckling to myself. Can I have a nerb?

    What is a nerb anyway?
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  30. Ohhhhh.... potty training. I refrain from commenting any further than I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I have walked where you are, and it ain't pretty...
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  31. Congrats on being a finalist. Bummer about the tiara;)
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  32. That is fabulous. I'll send you a box of Nerds as a congrats or maybe you're sick of those.
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  33. Congratulations, oh talented one!

    2.5 sounds like my son who was so impervious to the wet... Actually, I think he kind of liked it...

    The best part about potty training is, of course, all the M and Ms you get to eat! I even let the kids have some now and then too... ;-)
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  34. Yeah, well...this sounds familiar. I bought M&MS last night for the same reason...I have a feeling I'll end up eating them all.

    The kid only pees for his sitter. What the heck.

    Anyhow, congrats on the award too!
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  35. hilarious!
    i feel ya.
    x3

    and major congratulations!
    going there to read, now!
    C~
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  36. beautiful writing, over there!
    again, Congrats!
    yer goin' places.
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  37. congrats on the award!!! It's nice to see talent rewarded!!

    Also, when 2.5 runs around pretending to have boobies and is SINGING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS ABOUT IT??

    call me.
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  38. Hey congrats! That sounds so exciting! Potty training is a waste of time ... by the time number three came around to it I told her to just potty train herself. Much easier that way.
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  39. Potty training my children was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Son #1 was 3.5 when I succeeded. Son #2 might be ten before I try. I want nerds now.

    CONGRATULATIONS!! I'm off to read your piece.
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  40. I love Nerbs! Oh, poor Suzy, poop and pee, I think she has posted about some of her own!
    I'm off to read your piece, congratulations! You probably don't use as many exclamation points as I do.
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  41. Outstanding! Congrats on the award.
    And, um, good luck with the potty training.
    xo
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  42. Hilarious.

    And reminded me of why we waited until 3.5
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