Wednesday, January 14, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: NATO NAPKEEPING AIDE ENLISTED

NATO napkeeping forces were brought in at 12:30 CST to broker a fragile cease-crier.

Negotiating a truce required concessions by both parties. 2-year-old agreed to desist the shoulder-fired-diaper missiles (in accordance with the NATO Napkeeping code of ethics) when threatened with story time sanctions. Mommy conceded her “last shred of sanity” for verbal negotiations, finally responding to repeated toddler distress calls.

NATO forces created a temporary emergency nap-camp in “Mama’s Bed,” but toddler unrest in the form of eye-ball poking and PeekABoo forced both parties to abandon negotiations. NATO Allies hope to bring both parties back into mediation, citing the centrality of a proper nap to the region’s health and stability. Protesters surround the nap-camp holding signs proclaiming “Napism is Facism” and “Let My Toddler Go!”
Posted by Ann Imig
at 1:07 PM
Labels: ,

25 comments:

  1. These are the type of posts that make me jealous of your creativity and originality. =)
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  2. Dude, you are outnumbered. Best to give in. Or slip them some unnecessary Benedryl. Not that I ever resorted to that kind of kid doping. Often.
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  3. I absolutely, positively agree with Janet.

    This was BRILLIANT. And it is good to laugh about it b/c I too have sacrificed my last shred of sanity today (to the point that I haven't even gotten up a new post!) and my Napkeeping negotiations ended after an hour-long ceasefire that allowed me enough time to make a couple phone calls, but will still result in Bedtime warfare...
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  4. You know Ann, now I know why they haven't been responding to my distress calls. They happen at 1:15 pm EST on Saturday's and Sunday's. Can you just reserve that time for me?
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  5. Here Here! I third Janet's Comment! Damn! You are creative and hilarious!
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  6. Oh the Here Here is dumb. Don't pick on me!
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  7. I love you girlie!!!

    You constantly come up with amazing funny posts!!! I am so glad i found you!!

    Can i keep you???
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  8. Awesome post! It's good to be creative when dealing with toddlers.
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  9. you are a creative GENIUS! You make the rest of us look bad, You also made an otherwise boring story into and edge of your seat drama!

    Don't ever change ;P
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  11. Now I have to be jealous of you, too.
    Great post!
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  12. Now you have achieved that, do you think you could make a quick trip to the Middle East? Not only your family need you but my bet is that the world could use a little help on the peace keeping front too!! Gaza first if you wouldn't mind.

    PS the word verification was 'ressla' - wrestler - spooky.
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  13. Fabulous, Ann! Are you still wearing that fetching NATO body armour?!
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  14. Janet, pshaw...you are too kind.

    Goddess, I will keep fighting the good fight until age 3 (a long year away)

    Amy, (tongue cluck) thanks, friend. "Bed time warfare" PERFECT.

    Lyndsay, you will have to brief the UN first.

    Melissa, Thanks and I would never pick on you. Seriously.

    Michelle, you too and sure, but don't forget to feed and water me--I don't have a very long shelf life.

    Pilgrim, Thanks and truer words have never been spoken.

    Dizz, okay stop it people. I feel so humbled and appreciative, but noone's making anyone else look bad. 'Specially not me. Without fail I'll have some dumb-ass posts to follow a popular one. That's how it goes.

    Feckless, HALLELUJAH AMEN COULDN'T AGREE MORE. That's why he was in his crib for probably an hour sleep or no sleep.

    Lisa, only for today I promise.

    Lilly, my brother and family live in Israel, so that's part of my inspiration I suppose.

    PLEASE READ THIS COMMENT BROUGHT TO YOU FROM MY BUDDY SAM VIA EMAIL: "you can't negotiate with terrorists" See, now why didn't I think of that?!? Priceless!!
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  15. Woman, if you peel away the 5 layers of outerwear..Yes as a matter of fact I am!
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  16. Yeah.. well.... stay tuned to tomorrow's post on my blog ;P....
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  17. Brilliant! I LOVED it!

    IB
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  18. It's really too bad you don't have Hillary Clinton in your camp. I hear she can take a diaper in the face like no other Secretary of State before.
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  19. I would resort to throwing in a sleeping gas bomb. That'll fix 'em....
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  20. I've been telling you people to get your asses to the liquor store. Doesn't anyone listen to me???
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  21. "Let my Toddler Go.." I am laughed so hard right now.
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  22. This is an awesome post!
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  23. Just don't let the toddler side take any hostages.

    This post is incredibly funny and clever!
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  24. Dizz, I really owe you. You are so generous.

    IB, man, that's a huge compliment, thanks.

    Bean, HILARIOUS imagery. Thanks for that.

    Braja, very keen strategy.

    Vodka, drunk toddlers are brutal.

    Rae, Thanks so much, and thanks for stopping by.

    Any Mommy, very astute observation. So are you, by the way!
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  25. My not quite two year old shat on the floor today. Mind you, it was my fault (too baggy cloth diaper-- the enormous turd just fell right out the leg hole). But still...
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