Sunday, May 19, 2013

That time I played women’s pro football. Yuh-huh.

 

“I nodded along with their rationale, ignoring the premonition of myself laid prone like Wile E. Coyote post-steamroller”

BravaBlaze

photos by Sarah Maughan

I don’t just LTYM and mother and wife and write. I also go on assignment for Brava Magazine as a self-proclaimed fitness-for-spazzes columnist. They’ve sent me on missions involving archery, squash, Brazilian dance, Qi Gong, aerial yoga, running, swimming lessons, and in May I played football. Not flag football, not powderpuff, nope not foosball either (too dangerous). I trained with Madison’s full-on tackle women’s pro football team. You can read about it in this month’s issue, or click over here (turn to page 14-16 and click to enlarge).

Or here’s a blog-readers-only special summary:

Practice began with a toothless man named Cupcake helping me into a helmet and pads with his evil-clown tattooed arm, and ended up with me covered in sweat in the center of a team huddle. In between, I bobbed and weaved under the weight of my gear, while missing catches and those hard-to-land high-fives from my teammates. Had it been a game, The Blaze would’ve carried me off the field atop their shoulders, doused me in Gatorade, and sent me on my way with a slow-clap. I’m sure of it…

Thursday, May 9, 2013

LTYM on NBC Nightly News! Our stories are everywhere.

photo (5)
photo courtesy of Erika Angulo
Nightly News flew a crew to Chicago to film a segment about LTYM at the 2nd annual (and FABULOUS) LTYM: Chicago show. The segment will close the newscast tomorrow night, Friday May 10th.

The photo above shows Janet Shamlian interviewing me. I'm wearing a dress very hard to mic--you can't see the clips and duct tape securing the mic pack on the flimsy material. You also can't see my mom sitting on a stool watching, just outside the frame. I'm so glad she joined me--not just because she's my beloved mom (and who better to see an LTYM show with) but because I needed a witness for what proved an extraordinary day.

photo by Sabrina Luster Persico

My 2013 tour-de-LTYM began with a superb trip to DC for their show. I got to see family, meet lots of cast members, and reunite with blog friends I've known pre-LTYM--like Anna from An Inch of Gray.


Right now, I’m sitting on Jennifer Sutton's couch in Austin. She co-produced the first Austin show in 2011 with current co-director/producer (and brilliant humorist friend) Wendi Aarons. Her cat sits on my lap as I try to type-- very on-brand of him (Jennifer is the face of Purina Cat Chow. Clarification: The human face of Purina Cat Chow). Tonight we'll attend the 3rd annual and SOLD OUT Austin show.

So tonight I get to go listen to more stories and see co-director/producers dear Liz and Wendi, plus other online friends old and new. Then, THEN, I get to share the terrific Madison stories with our audience this Sunday at The Barrymore. (ticket info here). I need to go make myself presentable, but I needed more to say--do you see what is happening here? Beyond a "show?" Our stories are everywhere, and all of this sharing brings us together online and in real life--through celebrating our commonalities and expanding our perspectives--empowering us in our personal and professional lives.

The amplification of stories and the broadening of the LTYM community has me brimming over with adrenaline, excitement, and gratitude. My online life, and increasingly my real life's work, involves bringing women together and building community--one story at a time. Please share yours--you can link up your own LTYM-style essay here and participate at home.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, FRIENDS!!

photo by Sabrina Luster Persico

***
Giveaway winners!
Motherhood Comes Naturally (and other vicious lies) goes to Kayla S.
Lost In Suburbia goes to The Empress
Who Peed On My Yoga Mat goes to Andrea
TMI Mom Oversharing My Life goes to Pauline
Strong Like a Butterfly goes to Deanna
The Obvious Game goes to Anna See
Five Summers goes to Tracey Sellabit Mom
Congratulations, winners! Please email me your mailing address [annimig@yahoo.com]

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Pre-Mom’s Day Blogger Book Bonanza [Giveaway]!

Hello friends,

As all of my energy and time become wholly consumed by the LTYM 2013 shows (Are you near one? Go see one!), I decided to give you words from a few blog-friends-turned-famous-authors .

Each author featured below is giving away one copy of their book as a little mom’s day gift to the lucky winner!

ScaryMommy

Jill Smokler aka Scary Mommy’s new book makes the perfect gift for any mom or mom-to-be that loves irreverent humor and a no-frills look at the beautiful disaster of parenting. My favorite line in the book occurs when Jill is picking out a puppy to take home and feel guilty looking at its mom “As we locked eyes, mother to mother, she gave me a look of sheer relief…Better you than me. Better you than me.”

Wildly-successful humor columnist (and LTYM: NYC 2013 cast member—WOOT) Tracy Beckerman’s new book garnered rave reviews. The above New York Times bestselling author Jill Smokler says of Lost In Suburbia “If you’ve ever looked at your suburban life with kids and wondered how the hell you got there, this book is for you.”

Funny book, Who Peed on My Yoga Mat?

The charming and hilarious Lela Davidson (LTYM: Northwest Arkansas Director—WOOT) has a new book of humor essays out. Tracy Beckerman above describes Lela as “the hilarious bad mother you’ll want for your best friend.” I describe her as an incredibly hard working author/speaker/publisher/etc etc who somehow manages to make time to keep all of her fans laughing and coming back for more.

FAB humor blogger and LTYM: Oklahoma Co-Producer [WOOTWOOTWOOT] Heather Davis’ new book is not for the faint-of-Spanx. “From behind her shower door to her wide-open mini van door, as-seen-on-TV humorist Heather Davis riffs on the truly TMI of marriage and children.” – Ann Imig, Stay At Home Humorist (Hey! She should really print that on her title page…)

Strong like butterfly

For those looking for a break from the mom-humor genre, Writer Pauline Campos, founder of girlbodypride.com, edited an ebook of beautiful and powerful essays about women, identity, and self-acceptance by some of your favorite bloggers Lissa Rankin, Therese Walsh, Mercedes Yardley, Leslie Marinelli, Jessi Sanfillippo, Carol Cain, Jeanne V. Bowerman, Abigail Green, Leslie Marinelli, Sue O'Lear, Elan "Schmutzie" Morgan, Kim Tracy Prince, Heather Palmquist, Shoshana Rachel, and Alexandra Rosas.

The Obvious Game

And for all of you YA fans and writers out there I have two incredibly talented friends giving away new books. Rita Arens of Surrender Dorothy is Senior Editor for BlogHer, Editor of the acclaimed Sleep Is For The Weak, and just published her first YA novel described by Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess, as "Lovely, evocative, painful and joyful all  in one ... much like high school." Hear Rita read an essay as part of the LTYM: Kansas City cast (WOOT again WOOT).

5Sfinal

Una LaMarche (LTYM: NYC 2012 alum! WOOT!) is renown for her inimitable sense of humor and keen memory for her 1980’s childhood, making her the perfect wordsmith for a coming-of-age book about summer camp…“four best friends, five summers of memories.” Watch the trailer here. Her book comes out May 13th and is already available for pre-order.

 

So leave a comment below for a chance to win. With 7 books—well that’s…let’s see..SEVEN CHANCES TO WIN! All you have to do is leave a comment telling me a sweet or funny Mother’s Day memory. I’ll pick winners randomly and the authors will ship you their book (must live in the US). TA-DAA!

***

Madison friends, neighbors, and luke-warm acquaintances please join us for the 4th annual LTYM show at The Barrymore next Sunday on Mother’s Day 5/12 at 3pm. Ticket info here.

megaphone-lady-grey

Thursday, April 25, 2013

The worst meal I ever made and served to loved ones. Recipe included!

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Chicken-Cilantro-Avocado-Mango-Fresh Burnt Ginger- Fresh Burnt Garlic Rice and Salad Invention (TM) is a dish best not served to your extended New York City family.

Welcome to Hell’s Kitchen, 1998. Well, technically speaking, a Kipp’s Bay high rise in Manhattan, 1998. I brought my betrothed with me to New York City to stay with my Grandma Jo in her 15th floor apartment. The temperature averaged 95 degrees in the fun-sized kitchen. I had 1.25 pounds chicken to serve 7, and Grandma’s knife blades sliced as cleanly as rubber mallets. The guest list included Betrothed, Grandma Jo & myself, my cousin John—a TRAINED CHEF—his wife, and my very well-to-dine aunt and uncle.

The meal planning began naively enough. Accustomed to cooking for a boyfriend who loved anything I put before him ending in “o” and insulated with sour cream, and in an attempt to pull my weight as almost-someone’s-wife not just a granddaughter, I offered to cook dinner one night for the three of us. For the THREE of us. I figured Grandma Jo might enjoy having someone cook for her, and I didn’t fret over impressing her. For a grandmother accustomed to traditional fare like beef brisket and poached salmon, Chicken-Cilantro-Avocado-Mango-Fresh Burnt Ginger- Fresh Burnt Garlic Rice and Salad Invention (TM) made for the obvious choice.

That morning we went marketing to retrieve my list of ingredients. Grandma Jo said nothing, but an aura of eyebrow-raisiness pervaded. How many avocados? Oh? And what will you do with that?

That afternoon the calls came in.

“John and Keren will join us for dinner, do you mind?”

“Not at all” I replied, with the confidence of someone who knew how to cook watery tofu and burn eggs.

“Good news, Uncle Bob can come too! Do you think we have enough food?”

“Of course,” I denied, teeter-tottering the chicken into bite-sized pieces.

In my defense, on prior occasion when produce ripeness met non-garlic/ginger-burntness the Chicken-Cilantro-Avocado-Mango Rice and Salad Invention (TM) result struck a satisfying balance of buttery, fresh, and tangy. Sadly, on this particular occasion my results ended up more ballistic than balanced. But what could be better than a tropical cooking failure? Not enough tropical cooking failure to go around!

**RECIPE**

When we sat down to eat, each person had before them 3 chunks of bitter-morsel-encrusted chicken, 2 scant tablespoons of rice dusted with 2 generous tablespoons cilantro, 3 mangled mango chunks (have I mentioned the knives?) and 1/4 an avocado, all served on a bed of wet greens (note the proportions on your recipe card). For the salad dressing I used an infusion of deep regret, julienned humiliation and just a spritz of fresh lime.

I could hardly look up from my plate as I watched my relatives pick around their paltry poultry, and I have no recollection of the conversation. I imagine my family bid their goodbyes and went directly to the nearest diner. Grandma likely went to bed hungry to spare my feelings. Betrothed ate every bite and claimed to like it. Even without the sour cream.

***

It’s a cooking disasters blog hop! Hop on over and turn off your taste buds at these fine blogs:

Peace, Love, & Guacamole

The Flying Chalupa

Midlife Mixtape

Earth Mother Means I’m Dusty

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Heidi Cave will give you hope. Please take it.

In a bizarre coincidence, I wrote about running last week (which I’ve never done on this blog before).

A long-time blog friend Heidi Cave left this comment:

HeidiApril 12, 2013 at 11:07 AM

Love this post and, gawd, I miss running. I used to run silently, too. It was my time to 'not think' for a while and just concentrate on what was in front of me and what my body could do. Anyway. Now, I've adjusted, adapted...one of those words...and I walk. It's not quite the same, but there's nothing like fresh air and putting one foot (even fake ones) in front of the other and the peacefulness it brings.

Heidi Cave knows catastrophic tragedy first-hand. She know what it means to have burns over half her body, to lose both legs from the knee down, and to lose a beloved friend.

Heidi found her way through despair and physical destruction to once again create a beautiful, meaningful life—a new and different life, yes. Her recovery included months and months of healing and surgeries and painful rehabilitation, but also bonded she and her boyfriend to new depths. As a result they went on to marry and have children. I’ve followed her story on her heartfelt, honest, and often humorous blog Fancy Feet, and look forward to reading her book.

fancyfeetheader

Since hearing the news of the bombings in Boston, thinking of Heidi has given me hope. The survivors in Boston have a Herculean task ahead of them—both in grieving and in healing. Knowing Heidi gives me the faith that healing is possible—for all of us. I hope you visit her blog, and find peace there, too. And by all means, if the sun is out today where you are, go sit in it for a while. Maybe walk or run. As Heidi says:

There’s nothing like fresh air and putting one foot (even fake ones) in front of the other and the peacefulness it brings.

***

Please join me next week for a Mothers & More Webinar

Tuesday, April 23rd from 1:00-2:00 pm EST

The Listen To Your Mother Show Phenomenon: How one (now hoarse) woman started a cultural movement to give Mother's Day a voice

Estelle Sobel Erasmus, award-winning journalist, blogger, author and LTYM:NYC 2012 cast member, will interview me about how I started the Listen To Your Mother movement, and what you can do to get involved with both LTYM and Mother's & More, a phenomenal organization. Sign up here!

Mothers & More is a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of mothers through support, education and advocacy. We address mothers' needs as individuals and members of society, and promote the value of all the work mothers do.

I’m so honored to have this opportunity to support Mothers & More and share my LTYM journey. I hope you’ll join me.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

My Running Thoughts Just For You

Recently on Facebook my friend Lisa asked for advice from runners. I don’t talk about the fact that I run on this blog, but so many thoughts come to me while I’m running that you, Dear Reader, miss out on. This simply must end.

I used to jog to podcasts or playlists, but then my friend Erin (mom to three) told me the only time she gets to enjoy silence is during her runs. Now I, too, prefer just the sound of my feet and alone-time with my fun-sized brain. Sometimes on weekends Erin and I run together with our friend Dana. We meet in the parking lot with furrowed brows and grimaces, 55 minutes later we find ourselves fantasizing about grapefruit and other thirst-quenching sugars, and by the time we return to the parking lot we can’t stop smiling. In fact, the other day I took a celebratory leap and exclaimed “YEAY, SPRING!” to some young men runners. They paid me no mind. Regardless, that’s why people run. The endorphin high exists, and you can choose to share yours to the delight, amazement, or indifference of passersby.

Here are some thoughts from my runs:

Hills are good for you because the obstacle is outside of you, for once.

Wisconsin birds must suffer from seasonal-affective disorder, because if the sun is out they’re singing. Even if it’s 19 degrees.

Last week I passed another runner, which gave me the wide open view I prefer instead of a view of runner butts. I like the feeling of no obstacles in front of me. Then I realized my path is my path regardless of the presence or absence of runner butts, and really no obstacles exist anyway.

Running is gratitude practice. Every time I run I feel so lucky my body can run. And every single time I finish a run I feel so grateful to no longer be running. Running is yin-yangy that way.

Running is sticking with discomfort. Often you’re too hot or thirsty or tired or something hurts a little, and you just keep going. Some of the time my runs fly by, but usually not. Usually it’s .5 miles annoying and the next 1.5 pretty okay, and the next 1.1 perhaps delightful and the last .5 sucky but who cares you’re almost done.

If you hate running, you might just need to slow down. I used to run too fast and could only run for 30 minutes. I slowed down and could run for an hour, and instead of feeling hellish it began to feel mostly pleasant.

You can bring your running shoes anywhere. I always pack them on trips, and I almost always use them. Running recalibrates me, which can prove especially useful when you’re away from your regular routine.

Running keeps you in overall good shape. I don’t mean you can eat whatever you want and it won’t show, I mean you can climb stairs and keep up with your kids and bike up a really long hard hill even if you don’t usually bike at all.

I run without sunglasses because sometimes sunlight makes your eyelashes look like dandelion fluff.

There’s value in doing something without even trying to be good at it. I’m competitive about so many things, but not with running. I will always run slowly and I will never run competitively.

We all think everyone else runs wonky. We run by them and wonder if they realize their right leg boinks out crazy-like. At the same time they run by us wondering if we know our left arm whacks out like a mofo. None of us know because none of us see ourselves, because hopefully for these few minutes of our lives we just move our bodies and think our thoughts.

You can’t outrun veiny legs. That’s hereditary. But you can outrun a bad mood—every single time.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Motherhood Math

1 spring break = 0 spring, 0 break

If A+B=C, then you’ve had way more sleep than me

5 clean pairs size 6 pants = 2 days clean laundry for minature male

If one train leaves Canada at 6:30 am and another train leaves Texas at 6:30 am, then, well, you should’ve sprung for airfare, Dummy

.4 ounces of Fun Dip before bed = 2 hours of Kindergarten Pinball Boy

45 minutes of evening sanity thanks to children confined in bathtub > 2 gallons bathwater on the floor, 7 shrieks, and 2 claw-your-brother’s-face-off

Your child has a temperature of 100 degrees and otherwise appears good-natured and well. Send the child to school on a wish and a prayer and receive a call 3 hours later that child is laying with his head down on the carpet speaking in tongues. Keep child home and 3 hours later he is doing backspins naked in front of PBS Kids.

5 clean pairs size 6 pants = 5 weeks before holes in knees

Brainteaser: You're in a room alone with no mirrors or doors. How do you escape? Answer: SHHHHHHuH!! (You already have).

What’s the difference between a trapezoid and a rhombus? We don’t speak that way in this household young man.

5 clean pairs size 6 pants = only happens when A+B=C